Talk of dictators and North Korea’s Kim Jong-un takes the cake for the umpteen whacky stories surrounding him. The youngest son of Kim Jong-il (the erstwhile North Korean Dictator), Kim Jong-un is regarded as the most infamous and secretive man on earth. And ever since ‘The Interview’ hit the screens (and grossed over $50 million worldwide), ‘Kim Jong’ memes, jokes and stories have literally flooded the internet. Here’s a look at 10 hilarious, allegedly-true facts about him!
Cry Baby
When his father Kim Jong-il succumbed to a heart attack in December 2011, it was obvious that a State Funeral would be held with great pomp and splendor. But as Kim Jong-un took over as the next leader, he made it compulsory for citizens of the country to attend the ‘mourning events’. It was mandatory to cry, and those failed to cry were sent to inhuman labor camps!
Unlucky Uncle
Usually as a dictator, you spare some forethought before subjecting your own blood relatives to cruelty. While confinement and torture is common for North Korean citizens, Kim Jong-un had his own uncle (Jang Song Thaek) executed in the most brutal manner. For ‘alleged treason’, he was stripped absolutely bare and then thrown into a cage filled with hungry canines. It’s also rumored that he had his aunt poisoned thereafter.
So Cheesy
The North Korean Supreme Leader is addicted to Swiss Emmental Cheese. While he spends over $500 million on ‘luxury imports’ like Emmental Cheese, Scotch Whisky and Designer Dogs every year, the common citizen has to live in hunger and poverty. About 500,000 to 800,000 people die in famines every year under the totalitarian regime. More than half of the interior towns and villages have no access to electricity. In the meanwhile, Kim Jong-un’s waistline seems to be bursting!
Under the Knife
It’s a common practice to go under the knife for looking younger or prettier a.k.a plastic surgery. But when Kim Jong-un underwent plastic surgery at around the age of 27, he had other plans in mind. He did so because he wanted to look older and resemble his grandfather! Nevertheless in 2012, one of the most popular farcical newspapers ‘the Onion’, declared him as the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’!
Hair Mania
It’s a known fact that the North Korean Fascist sports the weirdest hair cut that does very little justice to his super-chubby face. But what’s hilarious is the fact that he’s afraid of barbers, so he cuts his hair himself! Also, he recently named his signature haircut as ‘the ambition’ and ordered the students of North Korea University to copy his hairstyle!
Flunked Big Time
Unlike most other members of his family, Kim Jong-un had the privilege of studying at a private school in Switzerland. Of course, he was introduced to his class as ‘Pak Un’, the son of a North Korean Diplomat. Despite being given such a golden opportunity, he was barely interested in studies and flunked most subjects. The only area that he was interested in was basketball. So the military head of a powerful army (with the largest Paramilitary Organization on earth) flunked big time, and has no formal military training whatsoever!
Ugly Break-Up
Break-ups are always hard, and nothing makes you more uncomfortable than crossing paths with an ex. Unfortunately Hyon Song-wol didn’t realize that it would cost her life. A North Korean Orchestra Singer, she met Kim Jong-un about a decade before he became leader, and love blossomed. Unfortunately, ‘Daddy Dearest’ Kim Jong-il disapproved of the romance, and they broke up. In 2013, she was picked up along with the other members of the Orchestra, charged with ‘pornographic violation’ and subjected to a firing squad!
Revolutionary Activities
Let’s observe one minute silence for North Korean students. After being forced to learn that the late Kim Jong-il was a ‘Superhuman’ who did not defecate, and had a miraculous birth atop the holy mountains, it is now mandatory to memorize a new manual. The manual titled ‘Kim Jong-un’s Revolutionary Activities’ claims that he learnt to drive at the young age of 3, is an accomplished artist, musician and yacht-race winner!
The Benevolent Inventor
After banning all ‘American Fast Foods’ like Burgers and Pizzas, Kim Jong-un has been benevolent enough to ‘invent’ a special ‘double meat sandwich’ (which is nothing but a burger). He is said to have allowed this special sandwich to be sold in the country as a benevolent thinker who cares for young students.
Punishment through Generations
Despite his Western Education, he sticks to the North Korean fascist punishment regime. This means that if you are convicted of a crime, not only do you face punishment but your children and grandchildren (up to 3 generations) will be equally punished. And the cherry on the cake- travelling out of North Korea is banned for the commoner!
Cry Baby
When his father Kim Jong-il succumbed to a heart attack in December 2011, it was obvious that a State Funeral would be held with great pomp and splendor. But as Kim Jong-un took over as the next leader, he made it compulsory for citizens of the country to attend the ‘mourning events’. It was mandatory to cry, and those failed to cry were sent to inhuman labor camps!
Unlucky Uncle
Usually as a dictator, you spare some forethought before subjecting your own blood relatives to cruelty. While confinement and torture is common for North Korean citizens, Kim Jong-un had his own uncle (Jang Song Thaek) executed in the most brutal manner. For ‘alleged treason’, he was stripped absolutely bare and then thrown into a cage filled with hungry canines. It’s also rumored that he had his aunt poisoned thereafter.
So Cheesy
The North Korean Supreme Leader is addicted to Swiss Emmental Cheese. While he spends over $500 million on ‘luxury imports’ like Emmental Cheese, Scotch Whisky and Designer Dogs every year, the common citizen has to live in hunger and poverty. About 500,000 to 800,000 people die in famines every year under the totalitarian regime. More than half of the interior towns and villages have no access to electricity. In the meanwhile, Kim Jong-un’s waistline seems to be bursting!
Under the Knife
It’s a common practice to go under the knife for looking younger or prettier a.k.a plastic surgery. But when Kim Jong-un underwent plastic surgery at around the age of 27, he had other plans in mind. He did so because he wanted to look older and resemble his grandfather! Nevertheless in 2012, one of the most popular farcical newspapers ‘the Onion’, declared him as the ‘Sexiest Man Alive’!
Hair Mania
It’s a known fact that the North Korean Fascist sports the weirdest hair cut that does very little justice to his super-chubby face. But what’s hilarious is the fact that he’s afraid of barbers, so he cuts his hair himself! Also, he recently named his signature haircut as ‘the ambition’ and ordered the students of North Korea University to copy his hairstyle!
Flunked Big Time
Unlike most other members of his family, Kim Jong-un had the privilege of studying at a private school in Switzerland. Of course, he was introduced to his class as ‘Pak Un’, the son of a North Korean Diplomat. Despite being given such a golden opportunity, he was barely interested in studies and flunked most subjects. The only area that he was interested in was basketball. So the military head of a powerful army (with the largest Paramilitary Organization on earth) flunked big time, and has no formal military training whatsoever!
Ugly Break-Up
Break-ups are always hard, and nothing makes you more uncomfortable than crossing paths with an ex. Unfortunately Hyon Song-wol didn’t realize that it would cost her life. A North Korean Orchestra Singer, she met Kim Jong-un about a decade before he became leader, and love blossomed. Unfortunately, ‘Daddy Dearest’ Kim Jong-il disapproved of the romance, and they broke up. In 2013, she was picked up along with the other members of the Orchestra, charged with ‘pornographic violation’ and subjected to a firing squad!
Revolutionary Activities
Let’s observe one minute silence for North Korean students. After being forced to learn that the late Kim Jong-il was a ‘Superhuman’ who did not defecate, and had a miraculous birth atop the holy mountains, it is now mandatory to memorize a new manual. The manual titled ‘Kim Jong-un’s Revolutionary Activities’ claims that he learnt to drive at the young age of 3, is an accomplished artist, musician and yacht-race winner!
The Benevolent Inventor
After banning all ‘American Fast Foods’ like Burgers and Pizzas, Kim Jong-un has been benevolent enough to ‘invent’ a special ‘double meat sandwich’ (which is nothing but a burger). He is said to have allowed this special sandwich to be sold in the country as a benevolent thinker who cares for young students.
Punishment through Generations
Despite his Western Education, he sticks to the North Korean fascist punishment regime. This means that if you are convicted of a crime, not only do you face punishment but your children and grandchildren (up to 3 generations) will be equally punished. And the cherry on the cake- travelling out of North Korea is banned for the commoner!
